lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
