she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
