They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
