i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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