Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
