You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
