My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
