I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
