It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
