So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize