Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
