She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
