How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
