How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
