sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
