Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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