I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
