Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
there is glitter all over my balls
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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