i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
