I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I stole a fireplace last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
