Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
