Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
