and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
