I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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