you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
