i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
