I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
