it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
