Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
