thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
