3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
