chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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