ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
