my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
