either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
