She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
