i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
