Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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