woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
