I haven't been this sober since birth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
