im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
