Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
