I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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