I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
