I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
