No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
