Don't make out with my wife yet
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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