my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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