thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
