Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
