If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
