Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
