Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
