he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
