In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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