I cockslap morals
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Green mimosas i think yes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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