I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
