Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
