her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
