All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She even gives head with a lisp.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think people are normalizing furries
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