you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
