what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
