Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Randomize
