Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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