Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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