I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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