I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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