do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
