My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you would pick up someone in the library
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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