So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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