We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize