I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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