By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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