is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
