Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
