If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
