all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
