You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
